Our Very Own Vesuvius

Mom and I were just about to leave for the grocery store when my neighbor knocked on the door telling us we had fire coming out of our chimney. He seemed rather concerned, then confused when mom and I stood in the driveway watching the pretty sparks shoot from the chimney top. He left and my step-dad came home and the three of us stood in the unstacked woodpile and watched contentedly, occasionally meddling with the woodstove to make the flames bigger.

Now, we're not pyros or anything. I asked Jeff why we didn't bother calling the fire department, and he said we had a controlled chimney fire, and if they came they would open all the house doors, chase everyone outside, stomp around, and cause a ruckus. Our roof shingles were fire-retardant and the recent melted snow made the ground and wood pile too wet to catch anything on fire. The best thing to do was to let it burn itself out. Cool.

Little things like our most recent chimney fire make my family chuckle at the surrounding neighbors. They probably think we're crazy, and we're okay with that as long as we don't have to pay the electric bill that they do to heat their houses for the winter.

A Farmer's Excuse

My step-dad has a new phrase. It's his defense mechanism for when my mom asks him to do something. Although it's become more humorous than effective since he's been abusing it, but none-the-less, he tries this as his first excuse.

"I don't know how to do that."

Example:
"Can you fix the hinges on the horse trailer?"
"I don't know how to do that."

"Jeff, can you put away the dishes?"
"I don't know how to do that."

"Can you bring your laundry upstairs?"
"I don't know how to do that."

Clearly this excuse doesn't work all of the time. Although, if you use this you'll probably have about ten seconds to walk away before the other person has time to say "What do you mean?" or "How do you not know how to take the dog for a walk?"

Hope this helped!

"I've Got Dirt in My Rims!"

Ah, Hummers. Originally designed as the Humvee for military purposes. Until someone decided they looked pretty bad ass and should be made for civilians also. The only thing these cars battle are stink bugs for the number one spot on my list of peeves. Most of the boys driving Hummers around my town have no idea what they're maneuvering, just that daddy's money bought it and it looks way cool man. I can guarantee none of them have ever been off road, or used for anything practical. I even had the misfortune of riding inside my neighbor's Hummer once, and I felt like my head was touching the ceiling. Real heavy-duty trucks aren't afraid to get a little mud on the tires.

Word Engineers

My mom is a Westinghouse electrical engineer (sounds fancy). I'm a writer (sounds boring).

All of my aunts and uncles, some second cousins, even my younger first cousins, are engineers or studying to be. At my grandparents' 60th anniversary this past fall, my mother introduced me to some cousin of mine by saying "She's going to school for writing" and he responded, "A writer? Where did she come from?" Which kind of sucked because here I am surrounded by math whizzes working on a writing degree.

So I moped. I moped until a few months later, my mom came home saying her secretary, who's been a family friend (and English writing major) forever, came up with a title for us writers.

Word Engineers.

Sounds fancy now, doesn't it?

The Many Uses of Twine

Twine. It's that string-like stuff that holds haybales together. It's almost as useful as duct tape, although not nearly as trendy.

Martha Stewart suggests using twine for things such as:

• Cutting a cake if you don't have a knife
• Knitting and crochet projects
• As a necklace
• As dental floss

Now, I don't know how many times you've used twine for such things, but I have never cut a cake with it, I have no idea how to knit, even us country girls don't use twine for necklaces, and good lord I would never use it as floss, knowing where our twine has been. (Ironically, baling hay was number 36 on Martha's list of 50 Uses for Twine.)

We use twine for things like:

• Emergency belts (and I mean EMERGENCY)
• Makeshift repairs until someone can get around to fixing whatever it is
• Leash or lead rope for loose animals
• Tying it in a rope to drag heavy things

I realize many of you don't have twine just lying around, but in any case you do, (maybe you have a Martha in the family) you can probably find more useful ways to use it.

Fair Cows

This past summer my brother and two of his friends decided they wanted to enter three of our calves in the county fair. The county fair is the ultimate week of summer for farm kids. Who doesn't like animals and fried food? And for my brother, this is the time to get as many girls' numbers as possible. Anyway, in order to enter the calves, they have to make a certain weight (which I believe is 1,000 lbs.) and be able to walk quietly with the boys. This requires teaching them to walk, which I got to witness first hand. It involves a tractor, some rope, and an older farmer to supervise.

 

The cows were NOT hurt.

It was all quite comical watching them battle with the stubborn calves from where we sat on the picnic bench. In the long run, the cows didn't make the weight limit and the boys couldn't take them to the fair. Which of course, left more time to chase pretty girls instead of standing next to their cattle.

Sports

I'll proudly admit that I know as much about traditional sports (football, basketball, soccer, ect.) as my dog. Hell, my seven-year-old cousin knows more than me. But he grew up in a family that ran from practice to practice as soon as school let out until after dusk. My mom kicked my brothers and me out the door and just said "Go play" when we got home from school. I'm glad she did, too. I'd still choose a childhood of catching toads and building forts in the woods over being forced to chase a ball around for hours on end.

In the long run, it's been more beneficial to us as adults growing up without being forced to play or watch traditional sports. My younger brother spent most of his time crashing and fixing any vehicle we owned, and now all of his friends run to him when they have car issues. I got to choose my sport (horse riding competitions) and I'm passionate about it. We'd rather go out and get our hands dirty over sit on the couch with a beer and watch sweaty men beat each other up over a ball or puck.

The Lion King (Of The Farm)

Newcomers walking into the stable will be promptly greeted by something round, orange, and extremely fluffy. That's Fire, my barn kitten who's not so kitten-like anymore. In fact, he resembles a miniature lion. A more appropriate name would be Simba or Mufasa, but when I rescued him he was just a tiny orange ball, so how was I to know?

Fire is probably the worst barn cat in the history of barn cats. I've heard he hunts, but I've never seen him too far from the dry cat food. He hasn't figured out how to get down from the rafters yet. And more than once he's been seen playing with the ends of the horses' tails, no more than an inch away from their rock-hard back hooves. Once, as a younger kitten, he came flying around the corner and climbed up Teddy's leg like a tree trunk. Fortunately my patient horse didn't realize what was attacking him before I managed to shoo Fire away.

As much as I love my little rescue buddy and his adventures, I can't wait to get him out of the barn and into an apartment with me. I have no doubts he'd rather spend his days on a warm lap.

Wetlands

Natural wetlands aren’t meant to be beautiful. Man-made wetlands can have some influence on appearance. The wetlands that were constructed, adjacent to our horse pastures, are the ugliest man-made wetlands I’ve ever seen. There are no flowers, a plain white-stone pathway in a peanut shape around the water, and a poorly constructed Boyscout bridge. (A bridge shouldn't need climbed up onto just to cross, right?) Since the town bought the farm behind our house and turned it into the Community Park (Sports Facility really), they had to replace the natural wetlands they destroyed in the construction. The most the town does to maintain the wetlands is mow the grass around the parking lot. Who needs to cut back the weeds around the walking path when we can just pretend we’re in a jungle? Thanks town for the mosquitoes and West Nile threats every summer. The only positive aspect is the peaceful chorus of Spring Peeper frogs and Bullfrogs on warm evenings; of course only after the caravan of soccer and midget football practice minivans have left.

Doesn't the Park construction make a beautiful backdrop to the horse pasture?

Things To Do Without The Internet

With all of the recent hooplah over the internet blackout today, I came to realize how many things there are to do on the farm without the crutch of the internet. Some of the things on my list are seasonal activities, but are still entertaining. So, here's twenty things to do without the internet:
1. Fix the tractor.
2. Go fishing.
3. Repair the broken door in the stable.
4. Clean 30 stalls.
5. Have a bonfire
6. Ride the dirtbike.
7. Fix the dirtbike.
8. Play Marco-Polo in the corn field. (Don't crush the corn though!)
9. Work the horses.
10. Play fetch with the dog.
11. Take the horse on a trail ride.
12. Split & stack the wood.
13. Wash the truck or car.
14. Learn to drive a new vehicle. (Tractor, truck, stick-shift)
15. Fix the fences.
16. Go groundhog hunting.
17. Build a snowman.
18. Build a rope swing over a river or pond.
19. Catch & tag the baby calves.
20. Mow or bale the hay fields.

Who Is Tom Petty?

Two summers ago my brother sent me a picture text with three baby bunnies on our living room carpet. The most ADORABLE baby bunnies I've ever seen. We've had all sorts of weird and wild pets, so wild baby bunnies just added to the list. My brother found them while mowing hay-the mother hid them in a shallow hole in the ground that the mower just managed to skim over. The poor momma bunny didn't make it, which is why we had them. My brother named them Thumper, Jack, and Tom Petty. I have no idea who Tom Petty is, but he made a pretty cool name for a bunny. Eventually we re-released the babies back into the 'wild' once they were old enough. But who is Tom Petty anyway?

Creek Skating

The winter I was 13 or 14, it rained really hard one day mid-January. The rain that day caused the creek that runs through our pastures to overflow, (then again, sneezing in the right direction would cause that creek to overflow). The rain then turned into snow overnight when the temperatures dropped. Wet roads turned into icy roads and we had school off the next day. My friend and I discovered the swollen creek had completely frozen over, down to the rocks. We spent the entire day skating on a frozen creek in old sneakers. Who needs an ice arena you pay ten dollars just to skate on when nature gives you a free one in the back yard? We probably had more fun that day than any other middle school kid on a Friday night.

Winter Means Wood

Yesterday marked the first real snow of the winter, amazingly. We've managed to hold out so far, and we've got high hopes with the warmer temperatures promised next week. But for now, we're stuck with snow.

Since we have a wood stove in the family room to heat the house, it means we have to chop, split, and stack all of the wood it takes to get through the winter. Stacking is not to be taken too lightly, (I once gave the neighbor kid a concussion while stacking). It also means when the wood in the woodbox inside the house is used up, we have to gear up in boots, Carhartts, and welding gloves to restock. It's annoying as all get out when you're in the freezing snow gathering wood, but it beats the outrageous prices everyone else around here pays to heat their mansions. Bonus, the family room is constantly a toasty 70 degrees. Hello shorts in January.

 There's a weiner dog in there somewhere . . .

First Blog Post . . . Ever

Hello! This is my first post on a blog, so I'm going to tell you a little bit about me. I won't bore you to death, just catch you up.

I've been riding horses since I was twelve, and they've been a large part of my life since. I learned how to ride on an Arabian pony named Zak. He's the cutest, little, snow-white pony every girl dreamed of owning, with more personality than you could ask for. Big things come in small packages. When I had to retire him to the horrible life of every day pasture and pampering, we bought a Morgan for me to improve my riding career on. Teddy and I have seen over four years of the happiest moments, and the saddest. I hate to be cliche, but we've lived the sweat, blood, and tears of any team sport.

Horseback riding started with the farm. The stable has been the best part of my childhood. It taught me hard work, (It takes A LOT of muscle to clean thirty stalls every day), better horsemanship, and I've made lifelong friends. Most of my stories in this blog will be in or around the stable. Surrounding the stable and pastures, my step-dad's family owns their own farm. We raise about seventy-five head of beef cattle on this land. Spring is my favorite time of the year because all of the baby calves are being born and each year we get an orphan to bottle feed for the summer.

So, I hope this intro didn't put you to sleep. I'd like to use this blog to share many of my (mostly funny) stories of living a farm lifestyle in the middle of a privileged town.